Tonight I asked my son, Randal, to take a picture of me exercising. I am not a big yoga guy, or really into exercising at all… heck I could only find one weight to lift up for the picture, but I needed something for a blog about exercise. Immediately after he took the picture, he asked what it was for. My wife jumped in, showing off her sheer intelligence or possibly her stupid mind reading powers (it isn’t nearly as stupid that she can read minds as it is that she gets mad at me for not being able to). In either case she instantly told him, “Dad’s putting it on his blog”, like she wasn’t the one that told me to start writing (anyone remember where this crap started?)
We gave up our annual passes to a local rec center simply because it was costing our family over $100 a month and it was used 4 times a year. When we finally gave it up I don’t think anyone had gone to the gym or swimming in 6 months straight. There were no complaints.
Now that I am trying to lose weight, not because I want to be more fit but because I am a fat bastard and I can’t believe that being 240 lbs can be good for my health or longevity. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I won’t outlive my wife but it would be nice to see more than one kid get married and a couple grandkids would be nice… I mean why else would I have had nine myself?
So here we sit. No membership to the gym or the swimming pool. I am going about a busy weekend trying to cram my personal life into a short weekend of miserable sub zero termperatures… my wife is going to take the kids swimming… great idea no? I love that woman for being a better wife than I could ever be husband and for being such an unearthly beautiful mother to my nine amazing kidlets…
and then the conversation…
She: We didn’t go swimming tonight.
Me: Why not?
She: Because it’s $26 and I just can’t pay that to go swimming.
Me: But it is cheaper than $110 a month.
She: But the kids would go more often if we had a membership again.
Me: History does not agree. Just put $100 on the fridge, tell the kids to take money from it and go as often as they want. You spend $100 in one month and we can get the membership again.
Me: That makes sense right?
She: $26 is just too expensive to go swimming.
Me: What makes more sense… paying $26 to go swimming or $110 to not go?
Believe it or not, she doesn’t agree with me somehow. So not only am I the bad guy that is preventing her from taking the kids swimming, but now I am stopping her from exercising. Because God knows if I was $110 poorer this month I would see the inside of that fitness club they have (for the first time in 7 years). And she wants to work out with me. Like she needs another excuse to be out of shape. Do I LOOK like a role model or workout buddy for anyone? I am the poster child for what happens when you ignore medical advice… and common sense.
Which brings me back to why I value common sense so much. I have to truly understand what I am ignoring so that I don’t ignore the really important stuff. I honestly thought my wife and I were on the same page here but apparently having nine kids has done more than make her waist disappear, it has removed the part of her brain that understood me when I actually made sense. This was an important part because it doesn’t happen all that often… you really need to listen for it.
And even now that this is still a draft and I am contemplating not publishing it (there is a scathing airline review, my boycott of Canadian Tire, the wonderful X-Rated blog I can’t figure out how to make clean enough to share with my siblings, my brother’s wedding…), wow… I do have many other things I could be writing about right now… I lay here thinking about the repercussions of hitting that button…
I will get a cold shoulder, my wife will start looking for ways to get back at me, she will undoubtedly tell her family I have lost my mind (like they didn’t know), and I will not get another home cooked lunch this week for work. On top of all that, I will not be getting any… um… exercise. Yes, exercise. Not for a while anyhow. And heaven forbid I actually want to hit the gym and get real excercise, I won’t have a workout buddy.
As much as I love that woman, she is the one that told me to start blogging. “Just write down what you are thinking and talk about when we are alone. You are funny and people will want to read what you write”. I can’t believe that there are that many deranged people out there but to honor my wife, where is that “publish” button?
Tomorrow’s spaghetti will have to hold me over until I find a way out of this dog house… and I should put those A&W coupons in my laptop bag before I go to sleep. Besides, we couldn’t hit the gym together even if she wasn’t mad at me. She would never pay the $26.