Deep Fried Turkey = A Wonderful Hobby

Well I did it.  Four turkeys in less than 2 weeks this holiday season but I finally got one right.  Right enough that it is just after 1pm on New Years day and I am still full from the night before.

Everyone is still asleep in our house, check that, my 11-year-old just woke up and informed me that he will be downstairs playing video games.  Everyone knows that turkey has a drug in it that makes men tired.  It might affect women much the same way, but it absolutely makes men tired.  When the last partiers (kudos to Ryan and Eva for lasting till 3am) bidded adieu, I was actually looking forward to sleep more than harassing my wife into not sleeping.

Until I get a website and some turkey videos online… with a goal of convincing others to join me in this awesome past time, I could use your help with two things… if you see any stores clearing out any frozen Christmas birds, send me a note.  Also, if you can think of any worthy events in 2015, that will require a turkey, let me know… here is the possible turkey dates I have for the next few months, I would like to hit as many as I can with a deep-fried turkey…

  • Ukrainian Christmas – Jan 7 (any Ukrainians want to host a dinner or join us for one?  I will supply the turkey… if you hadn’t guessed yet)
  • Oil Kings vs. Hitmen – Jan 24 (I will be at this game with all our Scouts so would have to do the turkey on the 25th to celebrate)
  • Super Bowl – Feb 1 (no idea who is playing but my brother-in-law, Greg, will host the event… he cares more about sports than turkey and actually has cable… it probably wouldn’t go over very well to host a SuperBowl party without a football game)
  • Family Day Weekend – Feb 15 (with Monday off work we could easily get a bird in the deep fryer for Sunday the 15th)
  • Chinese New Year – Feb 19 (Derek and Anita will let me know what day to take off work for this dinner…)

So last night’s turkey was amazing to me… cooked very well… not perfect, but I was very pleased with it.  Everyone said it was delicious and there certainly isn’t much left if that says anything.

Turkey #6 BC - Before Carving... Crispy skin soaked for an hour in a kind of) East Indian liquid rub and 12 hours with a beer-infused injection.

Turkey #6 BC – Before Carving… Crispy skin soaked for an hour in a kind of) East Indian liquid rub and 12 hours with a beer-infused injection.

I did two things I have never done in the past with the turkeys…

  1. I took a picture of the cooked bird before carving it all up,
  2. I cleaned up after myself.

Typically I have counted on my amazing wife for clean-up but New Years Day I woke up and 9:30 and washed the cutting board (Thank God I soaked that thing last night) as well as the serving tray and the bowl used for spicing it up.  It took me significantly longer than it would have taken her to clean up… and I took breaks to pick up the 50 empty beer cans and pop cans that littered the main floor.  The fact is that I helped and that is so not like me.  I am a much better father than husband and likely now a better turkey cook than husband… I need to start maintaining a little balance in my life.

Turkey #6 AD (After Display) - carved and displayed with fresh dill and cilantro and dried cranberries for color.

Turkey #6 AD (After Display) – carved and displayed with fresh dill and cilantro and dried cranberries for color.

This blog actually wasnt going to be just about the amazing turkey, but also about the hobby I have found.  Most guys have sports, bar-league hockey or baseball, computer games, etc.  I just work and play with my kids.  And when I say play with my kids, I mean mostly watching TV: DragonBall Z, Walking Dead, Supernatural, Psych, Veggie Tales, anything with a princess and whatever else they seem to fancy on Netflix at the moment.  I am not all about the boring relaxed downtime though.  We actually missed the midnight countdown in the house as half a dozen of us were out in the front yard beating one another with light sabres.  I came inside long enough to get my long black coat so that Cydnee (the 3 year-old) could take my green light sabre and we actually looked like a sith lord and Yoda.  She gets tired quickly and she can’t do any of the cool flips that Yoda can, but fighting a 2 1/2 foot high Jedi Knight introduces its own unique set of problems for the Dark Side!

Onto the hobby, I for one, have never really had one.  I have a ton of tools in the garage and like to build things out of wood but haven’t had time to really start a project.  Somedays it seems like my only hobby is finding ways to avoid the list of things that Stacey has for me to do around the house.  Neither avoiding the list nor accomplishing something on it seems to leave me with much of a feeling of pride.  But for a guy who can’t cook, has never been able to feed another human anything other than macaroni and cheese, having people make gutteral noises as they chew on a piece of my food is quite contenting.  My wife is amazing and I would rather eat her spaghetti than from any restaurant.  I compliment her all the time because I realize how lucky I truly am.  I don’t think that she gets the same high cooking as I do mostly because she looks at cooking as a job.  It is work to her.  For good reason I suppose, as the six kidlets and I would be living off Captain Crunch and Pizza Pops if she stopped.

On with that crazy double standard in our world, I would propose to any men out there that you start trading some time with the boys drinking, watching sports, hanging at the bar, or whatever it is that you do to escape your life, take some of that time and go buy a turkey deep fryer.  If I could help one guy spend more time with family and friends over a turkey and possibly have them feel just a little of the pride in accomplishment that I feel, well that would be a worthwhile use of my time.

For now, I am working on next weekend’s turkey.  I have the injection already… that recipe was so close to amazing that it isn’t changing for a while… and now I need to check out a dry rub for the outside and see if I can bring tears to my wife’s eyes.  This is not an easy feat because she is not a huge fan of poultry to start with.  I don’t think she was a big fan of me for a long time either though, so I have to believe that there is hope.

One response to “Deep Fried Turkey = A Wonderful Hobby

  1. Pingback: This May be the Dumbest Blog Post I Ever Wrote. | PlanBMentality·

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