Well today’s blog is definitely not for children.  We will be talking about Jose (pronounced hose-eh for the Canadian readers) and toys he spent his life designing.

who remembers the Little Mermaid VHS case?

By now you have figured out that I finally saw the latest Play-Doh toys.  You are thinking that with so many kidlets I should have been the first one to see these toys but maybe you haven’t read my Christmas blog yet.  It was definitely the wrong year to take off the countless hours of toy shopping.

I now know why they spelled dough like the Simpson’s.  I heard people talking about this toy but with 9 kidlets I thought I had seen it all (I still have my original Little Mermaid DVD case somewhere) but this thing is beyond comprehension.

In case you are living in a cave or have spent the past few months in the amazon rain forest, you should know that I am talking about the Play-Doh toy that someone modelled after a sex toy.  There is no other way to say it.  The thing is a dildo.  Period.  You can ask questions, be amazed and feel horrible for everyone involved but don’t feel bad for Jose.  He made his choices.  Before we get into his story, if you want to feel anything for anyone, feel bad for the mother or wife who got caught hiding this thing… not so much the kid.

Play-Doh’s new sex toy

I know, you were thinking that the “x-rated” stuff was to be funny.  Now you know better.  Get over it.  Either stop reading right now (seriously, click on any other link… or click here right now and start reading from the birth of this blog) or suck it up and enjoy the ride.  See what I did there?  If you didn’t stop reading you got thrown right into the deep end again.

It is hard not to twist every word out of this keyboard into a sex joke.  Don’t act like it’s taboo or that I shouldn’t talk about it or that you shouldn’t have expected it.  You are reading the blog of a man who both believes in birth control AND has nine kids.

Now back to Jose… you see, Jose had worked for Hasbro since graduating from college in 1972.  He beat the odds, the gangs, the drug dealing, the poverty, and made it to America.  Land of the American Dream.  He could do anything he wanted.  Jose got a dream job working on some of the coolest designs for Hasbro’s including Transformers for almost a decade… he truly loved his job.

Then in 1991, Hasbro took over Play-Doh and moved him.  They said he could come back if Transformers ever got popular again.  After the fourth movie was released in 2014 he realized his days were numbered.  Now it is 2014 and Jose is about to retire.  He had a good life but how will Jose be remembered?  Say hello to the Play-Doh Sweet Shoppe Cake Mountain Playset.  Retirement will now be a blessing for Jose on the Mayan Riviera… for Hasbro and Play-Doh, hopefully they have learned a lesson here.

The lesson is not to sue poor Jose who you screwed out of designing Transformers right before they became a world-wide phenomenon, it is that you need to replace your entire Quality Control department.  I was thinking that with the world we live in today, that someone had to  notice this thing in the box.  Could it possibly be missed?  Impossible.  I mean who on earth would allow this thing to pass QC?  WHO?

Let’s consider, for a moment, some of the different possibilities on the Quality Control line…

1. Single young lady just starting out with Hasbro/Play-Doh: Oh My God!  I think this one looks just like the one mom has!  FAIL.
2. Single young man: Oh My God!  This thing is a sex toy.  How the hell did this thing get this far?  FAIL.
3. Gay Male: Oh My God!  hehe.  Unbelievable.  FAIL.
4. Gay Girl: Oh My God!  What an awesome design!  FAIL (after grabbing one with her staff discount of course).
5. Middle-aged mother:  Oh My God!  I think I have this one in my top drawer!  FAIL.
6. Middle-aged father: Cool, this thing looks just like the other children’s toys that my wife has hidden in her top drawer.  PASSED!

PS… please do not write letters to Hasbro or try to figure out who Jose is.  Jose is a fictional character and this is a blog written by a man of questionable character on the best of days.

PPS… on second thought… if you got this far, maybe you are diligent enough to find the man because you are such an awesome person.  Tell Jose that Shayne said hi please.